Today would have been my mother’s 87th birthday. We did not have the best relationship but in spite of that, I miss her. It often feels like I am alone, even in a room with others, knowing that my mother and father are no longer on this physical earth with me. It’s even more lonely without my mother although I am not entirely sure why that is. I was always closer to my father and his death left such a huge hole and hurt in my heart, that even now, almost 15 years later, the loss is as fresh as it was on the day I received the news. I often wonder what our lives would be like if they had lived, if they were both here with me. Would the discord have continued with my mother? Would my father and I still have been close? There are so many questions and yet no way of knowing any of these answers

In times like this, I try to keep busy and not fall into long jags of quiet, where my thoughts go to memories that often leave pain and sorrow in their wake. Today has been a mixed bag of emotions but I am grateful for my husband and kids, who keep me sane and whose love sees me through the dark waters.