January 19

A new year has started and its been going very much like the old one – work, work, work, work and aggravation from work, coupled with feeling the strains of this body getting older. I don’t move as fast as I use to and I’ve finally become aware of the fact that time waits for no one really is a thing.

I think as a young person, you feel like you have the whole world in front of you. That choices and options are limitless and that you’re only obstacle to obtaining them is yourself. And while some of that is true, I think with age, you also come to realize the things you can and can’t do. I will never be an astronaut. I will never compose a symphony. I may never travel outside the country – not for lack of opportunity but more because of paralyzing fear of boarding a plane. I know without a doubt that I will never be a blonde. I know that I’m a secretary and probably will not have the chance to change careers this late in the game (I’m in my late 40s). I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger but that didn’t pan out and I was okay with that although I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had made different choices. What if I had pursued being a fashion designer? In college I studied and majored in film – how would my life had been if I had continued in this path I wonder?

March 29

Well, things are mighty different aren’t they? I’ve been work from home since about March 5 and the reports every day are more and more gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. How did we get here? There’s several schools of thought and sadly no new answers as to how to stop this virus that’s leaving a devastating path of destruction in its wake. This new normal way of living is comparable to a dystopian novel – which I’ve always liked as a reader but not so much as a participant. This constant state of dread and anxiety are slowly eating at me – I can only imagine what this is doing to all the people in the healthcare system or essential workers – those who are brave to fight the fight and those who may not be so brave but out of familial obligation have no alternative but to go in and work. My heart hurts for them.

My brother is a foot patrolman/security guard through the Lincoln Center BID. He’s considered an essential worker. My stomach is in constant knots over him going to work 5 days a week. I really wish the Governor would enforce a shut down but I know so many people depend on Rxs filled and food supplies. The streets aren’t as crowded and that’s good but where will this all go? I hope we can mostly stay healthy and safe but I am not naive to believe there will not be a death toll, the likes we’ve never seen. Hold your loved one tight and please #StayHome