Yesterday was the 14th anniversary of my Dad’s passing from this life into the next. I tried to not think too much about it and kept myself busy but in the evening, when the kids went off to bed and everything else got quiet, memories of a different place and time flooded me.

Even after all this time, his death has affected and colored my life in a way that no other major event has. My link to my ancestors, my parent and first face of love is gone in a most profound and definitive way. The idea of never seeing him always pierces my heart and leaves it in tatters. Its a hurt I will never recover from and yet I live one day at a time and try not to take my loved ones for granted.

With everything going on in the world right now it seemed almost selfish to grieve this 14 year old wound and yet here I find myself at another year again, hurting and missing him as if he slipped away just yesterday. Is there a statute of limitation on grief? There are days I do not even think of him but as we get closer to specific dates (day of birth/death) I find myself swept up in a tsunami of messy emotions. In two more days we’ll be at what would have been his 87th birthday. I know he’s in a better place and not suffering but I miss him insanely, especially now, since everything feels so out of control. He always had a way of taking care of all things and having that comfort and security is something that I remember about him still and appreciate, now more than ever. My Dad was the glue that held our family together and such a good and decent man. He came into this country with almost nothing and left this world in pretty much the same way. But he was so loved by my brother and me and not a day goes by that we don’t miss his presence. Memories of happier times are the anchors that sustain us now. In grief we learned that love doesn’t die, but only changes and in our memories we’ve also found the balm to soothe our minds, hearts and souls.